One of the most common questions I’m asked—or rather should I say not asked, at least not directly—is what about intimacy after prostate cancer?
It’s what everyone wants to know. The person with cancer and the other half of the relationship, whether that be a spouse, intimate friend, friend with benefits.
What they’re really asking me about is sex, but let’s talk about intimacy for a moment and why that’s something you need to spend more time on.
I’ll tell you why.
Intimacy is a contagious, enduring thing. When you work at it, it’s not only fun but it’s lasting. You can be intimate all day. You can achieve intimacy all weekend.
When was the last time you could say that about sex?
Intimacy is about feeling connected to someone. You can achieve this in a lot of ways. The best way to be intimate depends on what you and your partner enjoy. It could be anything from holding hands as you stroll along the beach to preparing a gourmet meal together.
Intimacy can be sexy if you don’t allow the worry or concern over sex to interrupt it or overshadow its importance. Think about how you enjoyed just kissing for hours as a teenager? Maybe it’s time to rediscover the heady fun in doing that.
Many of my clients shy away from intimacy at first after prostate cancer treatment because they think of this type of physical affection as a prelude to something more. Stop missing the joy of the journey by rushing to what you think should be the destination. Instead, sit back and take your time. Enjoy the closeness without being tied to an outcome. Rediscover what your partner responds to.
Getting into Intimacy
Here are some ideas to bring you closer and help you enjoy one another on a different level:
- Find a passage you love and read it to your partner.
- Make dinner together.
- Walk in the rain or snow when most people are huddling inside.
- Enjoy a picnic.
- Go wine tasting and talk about what you like and don’t like.
- Practice the art of conversation.
- Tell each other a fantasy.
- Share a dream you’ve never shared before (you’re never too old to dream or plan a new adventure).
- Take turns pointing out clouds and laughing about what they look like.
- Try a new type of cuisine together.
- Blindfold your partner (or have your partner blindfold you) and feed them.
- Go to a museum and look at the paintings closely, imagine what the artist was feeling when they created the piece. Share your ideas.
- Seek out a crowd and make up stories about the people you see. Share them with one another.
- Pick a new hobby or skill and try it together.
- Rest your head on your partner’s shoulder while snuggling on the couch.
- Hug your partner and hold that hug for 30 seconds. This works magic. Trust me.